Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You pole danced in your parka.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize