Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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