We named our party play list daddy issues
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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