For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
