i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
