High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
