mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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