hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
