i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
