my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
