wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize