U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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