I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
