i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
