Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
