Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
