wakey wakey hands off snakey
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
