i just google imaged poop.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
