going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize