I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Randomize
