im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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