my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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