You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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