you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
