so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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