Me. At least after what I've been through.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
