My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
