i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
