Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I will be naked everywhere
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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