Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
