The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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