i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's blow job season.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize