I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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