im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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