I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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