We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
