I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's just like the Real World with babies
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
