I should be sponsored by Trojan
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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