In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just gift wrapped bread.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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