Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
