watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
