we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
