plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
