you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize