just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize