then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
