So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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