I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
