i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
