I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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