She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
