Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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