So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
