My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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