Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
sex in a hospital.. check
I enjoy the company of your penis
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
