i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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