Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The Olympian is in my bed
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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