You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
