Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
