So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
my poor anus
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
