i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
is it fun? or sober?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
