Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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