i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
