It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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