Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
