It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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