Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
