im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
