i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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