We won't sleep together?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
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