but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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