Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
