I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
