you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
