bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
