Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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