so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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